Have you ever been with someone while they were talking with you and realized somewhere in the midst of them speaking that you haven’t heard anything that they said? If so, you’re not alone. I’ve done that more than I care to admit. Whether with a client, a friend, a coworker, or my wife Ami, I’ve had plenty of those “huh? whadja’ say?” moments.
What I’ve begun to see is that those moments destroy intimacy. They eradicate a feeling of connection. We all want a feeling of connection and intimacy in our lives, especially with those we love. I know I do. It’s a big part of what makes my life feel rich and worth living.
What has helped me most in my own life is seeing the connection between my thinking and the feeling of intimacy and connection with people in my life. When I began to see how my own speeded-up, noisy thinking was what covered up the natural connection and good feeling available to me all the time, my thinking began to slow down and ‘thin out’. The contents of my own thinking became far less important. As that has happened, I am naturally more present to the people in my life.
The good news is that feeling connected to and intimate with the people in our life is natural. That feeling is our Natural State. As we become more aware of the fact of our thinking in the moment, we are able to not give it as much attention. It’s like the rumble strips on the side of the road: when we run over them we know we are steering off course. When our thinking gets hurried, frenetic, effortful – we feel the effects of that because we are always feeling our own thinking.
Those uncomfortable, hectic feelings let us know we are steering away from the present moment. The yucky feelings aren’t there to hurt us; they are there to warn us that we are moving away from the moment where intimacy and connection reside. It is that thinking that drops a veil ‘over’ this moment.
As I’ve become more aware of the link between my thinking and the feelings it brings with it, I’ve found that I naturally steer back to the present and my life is so much sweeter ‘here’ than ‘there’!
Vince Flammini 