Once upon a time a lovely and unremarkable spider, Theo (not poisonous, not mean-spirited, just your typical fly- and gnat-eating spider), sat in his web, thinking.

Theo thought about lots of things, but mostly Theo thought about spider enlightenment. He had read many books written by other wise spiders who had realized their true nature. In the spider world, this is called “living from the center of your web.” Nearly all of the books Theo read (and he read a lot because of his multiple spider eyes) told him in one way or another that the center of his web was empty and to simply return to the center of his web and stay there.

“Easy for the enlightened spiders to say!” Theo thought, “But I can’t find the center of my web!” Theo was miserable and desperate.

He looked high and low for his web’s center. He did a number of the practices suggested by other wise spiders. He watched his breath. He labeled his thoughts. He felt his legs. He closed his eyes and repeated a secret mantra. He went on retreat with other wiser spiders and listened to them describe the center of their webs and what it was like when they first “realized the center.” Theo prayed to the Absolute Arachnid for wisdom to find the center of his web. Nothing happened.

For a while, he decided to forget the search for the center and just ate flies and gnats and other assorted bugs willy-nilly without concern for his health or any other spider’s inconvenience. Yet, Theo always returned to the search for the center of his web.

As he looked about his world, searching longer and harder for the center, he created a larger and larger web. Each time something came floating or flying into his web Theo would leap forward fast as a…um, well, spider. The web caught all kinds of things, some of them useful (edible is a better description) and some of them just distractions – tree fluff, bits of leaves, dust, and sparkling drops of dew – none particularly edib…useful.

And, as Theo continued his search, he spun a larger and larger web each time he jumped to see whatever his ever-growing web caught. Through his search, his web caught even more and he found himself leaping more and more, faster and farther, with each web-quiver. He became exquisitely sensitive to the most minute web tremor. And, each time he jumped to explore whatever bit of fluff had floated into his web, it grew larger.

Other spiders admired his vast web as well as all that it caught. Theo became rich in spiderweb-stuff; but, Theo knew he hadn’t found what he was looking for – the center of his web, spider enlightenment.

Time wore on and Theo grew older. He couldn’t spring to the far reaches of his web as easily or as quickly or as often as he used to when he was a younger spider. Theo knew that time was no longer on his side. He thought, “I am so tired. I can no longer jump to every bit of fluff that tickles my web. I just can’t do this anymore.” He could still feel the web-tremors but he had given up hope that he would ever find the center of his web out there on the fringes. The sometimes beautiful, sometimes drab, sometimes useful and sometimes useless bits and flecks that tickled his web had never led him closer to the center.

Dejected and exhausted from his search, Theo just stopped. He needed rest. And then…with all of his spider eyes downcast, Theo saw below him…Nothing! He looked closely and realized that he was sitting in the center of his web at that very moment! It was this Nothing that held the rest of his web together. Absolutely everything in Theo’s web universe was spun directly from this very Nothing. It was Nothing that was supporting him at that very moment.  Theo had been sitting on top of it all the time! What he was looking for was right under his nose (well, you  know, that thing spiders have)!

Theo saw that Everything depended on Nothing!

Theo thought, “Every time I went out looking for the center, I just moved further away from it. As soon as I stopped looking and jumping at every web tremor and just rested, I was resting in the very center Itself.” It was only Theo’s search that made it seem that the center wasn’t there – but it had been there all the time.

Many spiders realized that something was different about Theo. They didn’t see him jumping about his web anymore. He didn’t seem particularly interested in the various bits of fuzz and fluff that tickled his web. They assumed that Theo had simply lost his drive and ambition. They were right.

Now and then, other spiders who were searching as Theo had searched came to visit. They asked him how he had realized his center. He told them that it had been there all the time and that it was no less true for them than it was for him. Other spiders asked him, “How did you feel when your spider realization happened?” “Embarrassed,” was his usual reply. He did what he could to point out the Central Nothing that was holding the Great Everything together. Theo would say, “Describing Nothing is not easy – try it sometime!”

Theo watched as a lucrative fluff-and-fuzz web industry grew around the searching. He knew that the fluff-and-fuzz just served to distract seekers from Nothing as they searched for more of Everything.

Some “got it.” Some didn’t. Theo knew it really didn’t matter because the Central Nothing was cradling them all anyway. And, regardless of “getting it” or not, a spider could still enjoy a nice juicy fly now and then as well as the swaying of his web in the breeze. Really, what more did a spider need, anyway?

Questioner: I keep trying to rest, but my mind just keeps going. Another teacher told me that this pointer to just rest will lead me astray. I’m afraid I’m not getting it.

Vince: Look, everyone who is talking about this stuff has his/her own way of trying to help people see what they have seen. I found, in my own seeking, that “trying” really got in the way of simply stopping and seeing what is ALREADY true – that the SEEING/AWARENESS is absolutely, totally, 100 percent, always functioning effortlessly.

Without “trying” to be aware of sensations, there is awareness of sensation.

Without “trying” to be aware of seeing, there is awareness of light/dark/shape/color, etc.

Without “trying” to be aware of hearing, there is awareness of sound.

Without “trying” to be aware of smelling, there is awareness of odor.

Without “trying” to be aware of tasting, there is awareness of taste.

Without “trying” to be aware of thinking, there is awareness of thinking.

All of this is happening all of the time; sometimes, one sense or another is dominant. No matter WHAT is the object of awareness, AWARENESS itself is present or there would be no way to KNOW experience. In your case, a lot of thinking is going on as well as the thought that there shouldn’t be so much thinking – so what? Right now, isn’t there awareness of the thinking? This thinking is happening in a vast, open, spaciousness that is not in the least disturbed by thinking.

Experience itself is ALWAYS changing. You can prove this to yourself by sitting quietly for a moment and just watching – the body moves slightly, an eye twitches, the wind blows, thoughts shift, light or shadow crosses the room, you smell the chicken soup on the stove and then that smell is replaced by something else, you feel at ease and then you feel tense – all of this can happen in an instant. Yet, there is something present and aware that is registering all of these tiny movements/changes…and THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE! “You” are the presence/awareness that KNOWS the changing.

When I say “just rest,” I am saying “rest as THAT.” We are really NEVER DOING OTHERWISE, anyway! Just rest is an attempt to help “you” see what you already are.

So, no, you don’t “need” to rest in order to see what you already are (since you already are what you already are, anyway – my English teacher would not be happy with that one). I have just found that it helps people notice the awareness that is always, already present and to identify as that – and gives them permission to stop seeking/trying.

It is a little like the old pointer of someone standing in Amsterdam asking someone how to get to Amsterdam. If that person is frantically trying to find Amsterdam, someone who is trying to help might first say, “Stop. It’s OK. Take a breath. Just rest. You are already here. There is nothing more you need to do other than to just rest right here, right now.” You see, the resting isn’t a “process” or “technique” that gets them to Amsterdam; but it increases the chance that s/he will see what is already true.

I hope this helps a bit. I hate to say this because it sounds so much the party line, but you really already ARE what you are looking for. WHAT you ARE (it really is more a “what” than a “who”) is what is registering all of the looking and worrying and thinking and trying and efforting and…so, just rest. You are already in Amsterdam. And, after you’ve taken a breath, take a look – there really is no one resting in Amsterdam, either. Wink.

What you are can never be experienced.

Looking for a particular experience as confirmation of what you are – whether peace or love or anger or irritation or rain or cold wind or sand between your toes or terror or calm or equanimity or hunger or sublime spiritual visions – takes you in the wrong direction and will keep you searching forever. Searching, finding, celebrating, losing, and grieving – only to begin searching again and again – is samsara/suffering.

No experience is what you are (read that again – yes, I mean that in both ways). In fact, any experience can only serve to point you back to this present Awareness upon/within/throughout which this very experience, right now, is registered.

Beingness, as an employer, has few requirements: no experience necessary.

Even though Awareness cannot be “experienced,” this doesn’t mean that Awareness-Being is somehow separate from all of the stuff of life. On the contrary, life is Awareness/Beingness itself. Absolutely everything is known in, by, and as Awareness. Nothing is separate from this Everyday Awareness present here-now…It is never anywhere other than here.

A line from the Heart Sutra says that “form is nothing other than emptiness and emptiness nothing other than form.” It is only thought that separates the two.  If you live in the middle of the cornfields of Illinois (as I do) you might say it this way: Awareness is full of stuff and stuff is full of Awareness!

Being what you really are is not difficult. Being what you are not and then arguing for or against it is what is difficult.

Notice that right now, if you just rest and welcome everything (really – everything – including your rejection of anything), there is nothing else that needs to be done in order for Isness to Is (so to speak!). It is only a thought which says “I’m not getting it,” or “I am missing something.” Even these thoughts are Isness taking shape as particular thoughts. Isness is is-ing everything: Isness is-ing as this computer; Isness is-ing as the big blond dog on the floor; Isness is-ing fingers; Isness is-ing uncertainty and confusion; Isness is-ing a Vince and a Tom and a Sue and a Roberta and a Karl and… Isness is-ing is-ing!

No effort is necessary for Is-ing to Is. Rest and welcome the fizzing Is-ing.

Nothing to do.

Right here.

Right now.

Rest.

Wherever you are right now, reading this, stop.

What do you notice? Sounds, sights, sensations, smells…allow them all.

What notices? Thoughts probably stumble through that say “I do” or “me” or “my brain” or “my senses” or something similar.

What notices those thoughts?

Welcome home to the place you never left.

Awareness is present when the “me-sense” is present.

Awareness is present when the”me-sense’ is not present.

Awareness is present when the sense of “beingness” is present.

Awareness is present when the sense of “beingness” is not present.

Awareness is present when there is a sense of “knowing.”

Awareness is present when there is no sense of “knowing.”

Awareness is not dependent upon anything.

Everything is dependent upon Awareness.

Awareness everything.

Regardless of our understanding, difficult states continue to come up, but we don’t focus on them. We just allow them to be there, allow them to arise and do whatever it is they do, but continue to practice short moments of resting as we are again and again. We begin to see that it all arises within this space and we are that space. The sky is completely unaffected by whatever is passing through it. The sky remains completely unaffected and clear and by taking short moments we get to know that and we gain confidence in it. We are that sky, too. We are not just the arisings.

We can’t hold onto any insight that might happen as a result of resting as the awareness that we are. These objects of awareness that we call insights arise only in the moment. Understanding only happens in this moment, now this moment and now this moment. None of it can be grasped. Any insight is just another object, another thought, no matter how beautiful. It can only be enjoyed in the moment. The smoke takes a particular shape in this moment and then it is gone.

We use the thoughts that arise to limit ourselves in many ways; we tell ourselves what we can and can’t do. What arises doesn’t really limit us in any way. It is like smoke taking the shape of steel bars and then we believe we cannot move through it. We forget that it is just smoke. Understanding, not understanding, getting it, not getting it – all of it is smoke taking one or another shape and it is just us forgetting that it is simply smoke and we can walk through it at anytime. We don’t need to do anything about it. We just rest as we are and it will clear.

This smoke is what we are dealing with in every moment of our lives. We believe we are dealing with reality but we are always just dealing with smoke. We let smoke stop us from doing what needs to be done in any moment. We just keep coming back to resting simply in this moment. As we rely on this open space of awareness; the shapes that smoke takes no longer hoodwinks us. Don’t be fooled – the smoke is still there and it will still make frightening shapes, but we won’t be thrown by it any longer. We know what it is and it can no longer scare us. By just resting in this moment, we have all we need right now. There is nothing special about this. Yet, it can completely transform our life.

You are already what you’re looking for. You can’t ‘become’ it, ‘find’ it, ‘create’ it, or ‘lose’ it. All that is ever happening is that our attention gets caught by shiny objects. Misdirected attention.  When it happens – and it will – see that only the attention has moved. What knows the attention has moved remains here as always. Stay here. You’re really never anywhere else anyway; you just think you are. There is no welcome home for you because you never really left.