Helma: I’d like everything to be totally clear. No residues in believing things that aren’t true. No more lies to be believed in. It’s like I won’t rest before everything is seen for what it is.
V: Might I suggest that belief is completely unnecessary? Forget belief completely. This is a completely existential understanding – there is absolutely nothing you need to “accept” or “believe.” Look to your own direct experience, moment to moment.
Helma: Secondly: to be totally present and not go into the thoughts of past and future is much more relaxing.
Helma: No things to deal with. But it feels like I am not allowed to let go of thoughts. There seem to be things to be dealt with first. Whe I speak with friends we talk about things we have learnt from life. It is almost as if we have to learn things, e.g. in my case, to be more assertive, to not be a perfectionist, etc.
V: There is no “have to.” Notice that in resting as awareness, simply and naturally in a completely uncontrived fashion, learning happens, responses happen in conversation with friends, etc. Just relax as awareness (it’s what you already are anyway!) and you’ll find that assertiveness and ease will arise as needed.
Stay with the simplicity of Awareness, as often as you remember, and what needs to be addressed will be clear and it will be handled from the wisdom and spaciousness of Awareness – the real “you.”
Helma: There’s much tension in my body and it feels like I have to learn things so that the tension will fall away. There’s the idea that when I am stronger as a person, not so insecure or when I have brought some changes to my life, my body won’t be suffering from the stress it is in now.
V: That is quite a story 🙂 Isn’t awareness present for all of those thoughts, too? Stay with the awareness and leave everything else alone.
Helma: To let go of thoughts seems like I am not helping solve those issues, so they will remain. Although I realize it is the other way round. But still… it won’t let me go.
V: There is no “it” and there is no “you” – see right now that these are both ideas taking shape in present awareness, just like turbulence takes shape in a river. The turbulence isn’t separate from the river – it has no independent existence apart from the river, and it disappears back “into” the river – its source. The turbulence in the river is not an issue to be solved for the river, is it? And yet, by simply leaving it alone, the turbulence is completely “solved.”
Helma: Although I don’t like it, I feel like I have to investigate where the stress comes from etc. and have to put time into it. Much more pleasant it would be to not have to worry or think about the personality stuff and to just be…enjoy being, being empty.
V: Yes. And the only thing stopping you is your belief in your own story that something must be done about it. Relax. Just rest as this vast openness that “you” already are. Everything is already OK.